As Long as She Lives
by MarshMella
Summary: Kota's disapproval hangs over them both but it is Vader's warning that haunts Starkiller more than even he can understand. Juno x Starkiller pairing.


**Disclaimer: I do not own Star Wars!**

**Hello, hello! I am back as promised with my first of a few planned one-shots. This one is set shortly after the second game. Enjoy!**

* * *

><p><strong>Theme: A Jedi Romance. Right or wrong?<strong>

* * *

><p>Sometime in the middle of the night he had gotten up out of restlessness and padded barefoot out across the landing deck of the small civilian space station they had stopped off at. They'd come here under the guise of refuelling and restocking their supplies. However, that was only a part-truth. They were also here to meet up with General Kota after one of his reconnaissance missions. After that, there was no telling what they would be doing. Only one thing was for certain, whatever it was, it would be dangerous.<p>

Eventually, after settling in one of the well-padded chairs in the cockpit of their small starship, he had fallen into another fitful sleep.

He dreamt of her. Always of her.

Losing her. Failing her. Watching as she was torn free from his grasp and flung out into the void of space, her body ruined and broken; her eyes glass. And always he woke with that feeling of dread and horror that he might have to live on without her there by his side.

What would he have left to fight for, then?

After all, the galaxy held nothing for him. He had no home. No friends or family waiting to comfort him. Barely a good memory to snatch hold of. He cared little for the war he had been dragged into – even now when he had done so much to help the rebel effort. All he wanted was to free himself of the invisible chains that bound him to duty and orders. All he wanted was _her._

The fact of the matter scared him. _Petrified_ him, in fact. After all, Juno Eclipse was – in comparison to him and his enemies – utterly helpless. The powers of the force were not to be reckoned with. Certainly not—

_-Starkiller…_

His name. Someone was calling his name?

* * *

><p>She found him reclined back in his chair. The ship was eerie, with only the faint humming of systems in standby mode to break the suffocating silence. A ship ought to be noisy and full of blinking lights and dials and screens filtering with data. Juno didn't know how he could find comfort here.<p>

Or maybe he didn't.

He was leaning back heavily into the chair, his hands gripping the arms with such strength that he appeared awake. His skin was burnished with sweat, face pulled into a taut, pained expression. His shirt – hanging half-open from the lack of buttons – revealed fair skin marred with welts and scars. Long healed, they told stories of past tortures at the hands of the Dark Lord himself.

"Starkiller." She whispered the name – his codename – not quite liking how it sounded on her lips. Some might say he was well named but…she didn't think it suited him. Not at all. She just…felt a little odd calling him by his real name. He'd never really said that he'd disliked her using it, but she wondered whether he'd prefer it to be kept secret.

Without thinking, she slipped a small hand into the opening of his shirt and caressed the puckered, scarred skin there. It was damp with perspiration and she curled her bare toes against the floor, realising suddenly how cold she was.

He moved so quickly she barely had a chance to utter a cry of surprise, staggering back helplessly as he swung an arm up to grab her by the elbow. His grip was vice-like and fierce, blue lightning crackling at his fingertips.

"It's me. It's Juno!"

For a moment there was no recognition in his sleep-fuzzed eyes and then, all of a sudden, the man she knew slipped back into place. He was panting from the exertion of his own shock and his fingers fell slack, dropping back to the arm of the chair.

"Juno."

She touched his fingers gently and knelt down in front of him, her head canted; querying. "What are you doing way out here?" She noted the pang of guilt in his face and shook her head. "I was worried about you, that's all. We're safe here. You know that."

"Safe?" He snorted softly and looked away. "Maybe."

"Is it the visions?" She pressed.

"Not visions. Just…dreams." Nightmares would probably be the better description, but he preferred not to use that word.

"How can you tell the difference?"

"I…I can't explain it. You just _know_, that's all."

She shrugged a little and leaned against his leg, pillowing her head against the side of his knee. His hand came forwards to thread through the blonde tresses of her hair and she leaned into the touch. It amazed her how different he was when it was just the two of them. Normally he was akin to a lion; fierce and brash and confident. He had a noble determination and a presence that seemed to instil fear in those around him. Yet, with her, he was nothing more than a kitten; gentle and timid.

His fingertips touched her cheek and their eyes met an instant later.

"You're cold." It wasn't a question.

"Only a little."

He rolled his eyes, opening his arms in a silent invitation for her to join him in the chair. Juno wasn't going to have to be asked twice. With a small smile and a twinkle in her eye, she clambered up onto his lap, sinking gladly against his chest and pulling her legs up against her. His arms enveloped her and the feeling was indescribable. Nuzzling against him, her hand slipped back inside his shirt, looping around his waist and holding him tight against her. She couldn't imagine a more perfect place to be.

Strange to think that only a few weeks ago she had never expected to ever have this chance. She'd thought him dead. They all had. And though he hadn't spoken of it since the day they were reunited, she knew he still believed himself to be a clone.

Even still, as she held him close, she could feel the tension in his arms and knew that not all was well. Something was clearly bothering him, so why wasn't he willing to speak about it? Perhaps she hadn't pressed enough? Juno didn't like to harass him, but the thought that he might still be keeping secrets after all this time worried and irritated her. She was not some weak-willed woman who would burst into tears at the slightest sign of bad news. She was stronger than she was given credit for.

"Then, if it's not visions bothering you, what is it?" At his guarded look she continued; "What? Did you expect me to believe that simple dreams were having such an affect on you?" She reached up to touch his face, drawing his line of sight back to hers.

Still nothing.

"Are you having second thoughts about us?" She knew he wasn't, but figured perhaps suggesting that line of thought would startle him into speaking. She was right. It _did_ startle him.

"No! No, Juno. It's nothing like that. Never think that."

"Then what is it?"

"Nothing…it's nothing." He attempted to manoeuvre himself out from under her, prompting her into standing again. He pulled himself to his feet and glanced down at the darkened consoles. "You don't need to worry. I think it's just…exhaustion."

"You've been through a lot." She agreed, though it was hard to sound like she was convinced this was the only reason for his restlessness.

"And I'm not looking forward to meeting up with Kota."

"Oh?"

"He doesn't…approve." He paused but didn't look at her. "Of us."

Juno sighed. She knew this all too well. Kota had never directly come out and said it to her, but she'd overhead him speaking with Starkiller shortly after the capture of Vader. Love is…

"…_selfish. I know you can't see it now, Starkiller, but your dedication to her, your possessiveness…for a normal man, these things would be fine. But for a Jedi…Listen to me. The sort of love between a man and a woman might start out pure and beautiful. But, in the end, fear and doubt will tarnish what you have and fear, boy, is one of the many paths to the dark side."_

"So you _are_ having second thoughts." She turned to lean her back against the consoles and tilted her head in an attempt to draw his attention. The unfocussed look in his eyes became suddenly sharp and he turned to look at her. He seemed…distressed and a terrible pang gnawed in her chest to see him like that.

"I'm afraid."

The realisation of this crushed her and she had to hold herself back from pulling him into a comforting embrace. Later. Once he'd spoken. Not now. He needed to speak first.

"What if Kota's right? What if this can't work? What if I end up right back where I started; stronger than ever and doomed to destroy everything I…I care about."

"Listen to me." Juno interrupted, slipping sideways between him and the console. "It seems to me that Kota is the main reason for your fear, is that right?"

"I—"

"—Putting all those ideas into your head. He worries about you and about the future. He doesn't want you to tread down on that dangerous path and he thinks…he thinks that we being together will bring that into existence."

"I…I can't lose you, Juno."

It struck her, then, just how much he did care for her. It was odd to think that she'd never truly realised it before. It filled her with an indescribable feeling that would have had her smiling if the realisation had come at a better time. But his dedication scared her, too. Was she ready for this sort of relationship? She'd never had anything with a man that could be considered serious; some short-term relationships and a couple of one-night-stands. But this…this was far more than that. This was – or could be – for life.

She drew in a short breath and wrapped an arm around his waist, tugging him closer. "You won't lose me."

Juno had meant the words to soothe him but his expression became pained. "Listen to me." She lifted his head with two fingers beneath his chin. "Your parents. They were both Jedi, correct?"

He nodded.

"And when your mother was killed and you were left with your father alone, he did not turn to the dark side. Your parents were proof that it _can_ work."

"I'm not my father." Starkiller pointed out, glowering.

"I'm not saying that." Juno replied swiftly. "What I'm saying is that it _is_ possible for a Jedi to be in a relationship and not be overcome by darkness. Your father carried on when your mother died."

"He did." Starkiller replied. "But I don't know anything about them. I was just some…some accident that they hadn't planned for. Maybe they weren't even in love with one another."

"Now you know that isn't true."

"Do I?"

"What does your heart tell you?"

Starkiller broke away from her hold, turning his head to glance around the darkened cockpit. He seemed unwilling to continue the conversation – which wasn't unusual – but for once, Juno felt compelled to push him. After all, this was clearly affecting him badly.

"What if we broke it off?" Juno kept her voice low and steady. "What if we agreed to go back to the professional relationship we had before?"

He remained standing with his back to her, though his shoulders had bunched with tension.

"Then, if something happened to me, would you feel any less angry about it? Would it lessen your anger and your…your grief, if we had simply been friends at the time of my death?"

"No."

She was surprised at his swift response, but highly relieved, too. She reached out, setting her hand against his back, enticing him to turn to her. "Starkiller…" She paused, rethinking it. "Galen." _That_ got his attention. "Galen. What do you want to do? Forget Kota for a minute and tell me: what do you want?"

"I want…I want to be with you. Always." He turned, and there was both determination and despair etched across his features. "If I could just stop being a Jedi. If I could sever my connection from the Force; I would. I would be rid of it in a moment if it meant we could be together without all…all of this." But part of him feared that her feelings for him would fade if he wasn't 'gifted' anymore.

His fear of that, however, was instantly snuffed out. Juno looked visibly touched by his words and in the next moment she sank against his chest, draping her arms up around his shoulders and pulling him close. "Listen, Galen." Her voice was a hoarse whisper. "I want to be with you. I…" _I love you,_ is what she added silently. "But I also want you to be happy. If we want this to work, we_ can _make it. You just need to understand that vengeance is not going to make you feel any better about losing me. If the worst happens and I am killed fighting for the Rebels, I want you to be strong. I want you to live on without me, alongside Kota and the others, and continue to fight for the freedom of the galaxy. The moment you let your anger take over, Vader has won. Remember that." She drew back to look him in the eye. "It is hard, believe me, I know. When you were caught in that explosion on the Death Star I…well, it took me a long time, but I found a place in the Rebellion and a purpose to fight for good, for the Rebels that you had inspired and saved. It took a long time before I could think of you and not be swallowed in grief, but time healed. Time always heals."

"But if I fail you…"

"You will never fail me. If I get captured or hurt, I know that you would have done everything in your power to prevent it. That isn't failure, Galen." She rolled her eyes, smiling a little in an attempt to ease the tension. "Anyway, aren't we forgetting something? I fly the ship. You fight the battles. I'm more likely to lose you again, not the other way around." She tightened her hold around his neck.

Starkiller's expression tensed. He could recall Vader's words to him even now. At the time he had pretended that they had not affected him. But they had. They haunted him.

'_As long as she lives, I will always control you.'_

And those words, in truth, were what brought the nightmares. Yes, he didn't like the thought of Kota's disapproval hanging over them, but, that was a small thing in comparison to what he might have to deal with. He feared what Vader might do to Juno in order to break him. Vader would kill her without hesitation if he thought it might bring Starkiller back under the control of the Dark Side. If she died heroically, in a battle to save thousands of lives, her death would be honoured and celebrated and remembered. But if she died as a captive of Vader, used as a tool to drive him back to darkness…if she died because of his inability to act quickly enough…

He would never be able to forgive himself.

At the sound of a strained breath he realised that – in his brief moment of despair – he'd unwittingly tightened his arms around Juno, squeezing her to him. His head had bowed so that his breath kissed against her thinly-clothed shoulder and his eyes burned with the desire to weep.

"I can't live with you. I can't live without you." He gave a distressed laugh, pressing his cheek against hers. The touch reminded him of how cold she was and he secured his arms more comfortably around her waist, cinching her against him. "What am I supposed to do?"

"We need to talk to Kota." Juno's voice was soft in his ear. "There _will_ be a way to work through this." She was trying to convince herself, too.

Starkiller drew back, stroking a thumb across the soft curve of her cheek. Her eyes revealed her love for him more clearly than words ever could. And, looking into them, he knew that he could not live without her by his side. He needed her and the intensity of that need scared him.

He kissed her then.

The touch of his mouth was gentle and hesitant, the very tips of his lips brushing across hers, seeking and testing for a reaction. He was rewarded; her soft mouth pressing eagerly against his. A moment later and the hesitancy was dropped; Juno pressed back between him and the console, pinned in place by his strong arms on her hips.

A light purr in the back of her throat awakened a desire in him, the cold in his bones chased away by the fire of passion. She shuddered in his arms, pressing closer, her hands now warm as they slipped slowly up the back of his shirt. He lifted one hand to cradle the back of her neck, pulling her closer still as he pressed hot, open-mouthed kisses to her lips, to the line of her jaw, to her throat.

They parted, breathless, meeting one another's eyes in the poor light.

"Oh, I love you." The words came out with his breath and her eyes widened in surprise. Fear twisted his gut. He'd not really meant to say the words out loud.

And then her surprise eased and she smiled, reaching up to kiss him again. "I love you, too."

He leaned forwards, pressing his forehead to hers, sighing deeply. The sigh was troubled.

She nudged him back a step, smiling fondly. "Come on, let's get some sleep."

He nodded, allowing her to lead him by the hand.

"This will work out, you know. We've been through too much for it not to."

He wished he could believe her. But in his head, playing over and over again, was Vader's ominous warning.

'_As long as she lives, I will always control you.'_

His grip on her hand tightened.

* * *

><p>End.<p> 


End file.
